People in relationships with avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well - retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give.
The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is).
Yet there is some hope - though it may take years and require educating the avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication; if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done.
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Von Matty Am hilfreichsten 26.03.2016
just the right book at the right time for me. another point of view on what often is just considered narcissitic people (most often said to be the male part of a relationship) vs needy people (mist often... the female...). in this book this myth is kind of clarified, and that it's rather a relationship where one of the members is an dismissive avoidant and the other (e.g.) an anxious preoccupied. and this is in my opinion a rather realistic pov.